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Det bästa ur Arnes dagbok. Redigerad av Björn Gustavsson. |
Tisdag 2000-07-25: I haven't got a sex life
Trodde inte det skulle vara så mycket jobb under juli månad. Kommer knappt ihåg vem jag är.
Jag är Arne. Jag är lurad.
Jag borde ha vetat bättre. En vanligtvis opålitlig person som var en av de först utexaminerade från Experthögskolan i Örebro sa till mig:
- Det är en fotomässa i Älvsjö. Du kommer att älska den!
Först när jag hade kommit in förstod jag att det var en psykologimässa. De enda kameror som fanns var magnetkameror för att fotografera den mänskliga hjärnans tankeversamhet, och de var inte riktigt i min prisklass.
Jag var på väg att lämna stället när en trevlig ung man i vit rock erbjöd mig att prova på den nya e-psychotherapisten.
- Tyvärr finns den bara på engelska än så länge.
Jag fick gå in i en liten kammare. Allt som fanns i den var en bekväm fåtölj och en stor skärm. Dörren stängdes bakom mig och det blev väldigt tyst. Tydligen var kammaren ljudisolerad.
När jag satte mig ner tändes skärmen.
- I am the psychotherapist. Please, describe your problems. You can trust me.
Det var lugn manlig röst som sa detta. Samtidigt visades hans ord på skärmen framför mig.
- There is no woman in the world for me, sa jag.
Mina ord dök upp som ord på skärmen i samma ögonblick som de lämnade munnen.
Can you elaborate on that?
I'm no good at elaboration. What does it mean anyway? E-laboring... Electric labor?
What makes you believe electric labor?
So it's true that my boss intends to replace all of us with electric laborers?
Is it because your boss intends to replace all of us with electric laborers that you came to me?
Well, yes, partly... Someone told me that this would be a Photography Fair, you know, lot of cameras, lot of nude pictures...
Does it bother you that this would be a photography fair I know lot of cameras lot of nude pictures?
Please, doctor, I can't follow your long winding senctences. What do you mean? Do you know where I can find those nude pictures?
Maybe your plans have something to do with this.
What plans? Ah, you mean my plans to find out about the UFO-foerbund. No, I wouldn't call them plans, just a bunch of loose ideas.
Earlier you said your boss intends to replace all of us with electric laborers?
Yeah, including you. But you already are an electric laborer. He thinks that we cost too much and that a robot could code these HTML pages and CGI scripts.
When did you first know that you cost too much and that a robot could code these html pages and cgi scripts?
You mean when I first suspected it?
What happened when you first suspected it?
I got angry, told him that no stupid robot could replace me. He just laughed at me!
Is it because of your life that you are going through all this?
My life? What has my life got to do with? I'm not even sure I have a life.
Is the fact that you have a life the real reason?
Probably, nothing of this would matter if I were dead.
This is not a healthy way of thinking.
Maybe I should go now? Bye, Doctor.
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you say maybe you should go now bye doctor?
I don't hang around with any strange people. They are more normal than me. And I said bye.
And I never said they were strange. You mentioned that this would be a photography fair I know lot of cameras lot of nude pictures?
I really mean it! Let me out! Open the door!
Are you sure that help let met out?
Just open the door, will you? Pleaaase Doctor! I'm cured! I'm cured!
Do you really think your boss intends to replace all of us with electric laborers?
Yes! I already told you! LET ME OUT!
Perhaps this has something to do with any hobbies you have?
I have no hobbies. Good-bye, nice speaking to you, but now I really must go.
Possibly your sex life are related to this.
I haven't got a sex life. That's my problem. Didn't I tell you?
No, you didn't. The time is up. My secretary will send you a bill.
/Arne
Äldre anteckningar är arkiverade under respektive månad.